Comments, Excerpts and Thoughts About Good Reads

Steamy, sensual and poetically hypnotic, Missionary No More: Purple Panties 2 is the follow up to the best seller Purple Panties.

Blogging for Dummies 2nd Edition *Express Yourself, Make Your Blog Stand Out

Praise For Zane (Author)

No one can debate the fact that Zane knows sex. The Queen of Erotic Fiction has hit home run after home run in the literary arena with literary offerings.
Zane is a publisher of Strebor Books and lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her family.

Pure Instinct

Pheromone Cologne FragrancePure Instinct is a unisex fragrance. Many benefits include: increased confidence enhanced mood and awakened senses. Men and women can wear it daily just as one would wear any fragrance. For a special treat add to bath water. Contains a generous blend of pheromones and essential oils.
Pure Instinct Sex Attractant Cologne - Contains Pheromones Pure Instinct is a unisex fragrance with a light, citrusy scent. Pure Instinct is specially formulated with pheromones to stimulate sexual appeal. Many benefits have been noticed: Elevates Confidence, Enhances Moods, Awakens the senses
Wear daily as you would any fragrance. For a special treat, add to bath water. Contains a generous blend of pheromones and essential oils.
As Seen On CNN: “The power of smell is undeniable….humans are influenced by airborne chemicals undetectable as odors, called pheromones. Researchers at the University of Chicago say they have the first proof that humans produce and react to pheromones”
The Los Angeles Times: “Scientific studies have actually shown that subject who used synthesized pheromones had sex more often.”McCalls’s Magazine: “pheromones can improve one’s sex life, pheromones send out subconscious signals to the opposite sex that naturally trigger romantic feelings.”

Sex Toys Buzz

Good Reads

Would You Like To Share The Title of Your Favorite Book? Then Why don't you add to my list, just click on the comment and share your Favorite Title to my Exciting List.

Purple Panties-Zane Part 1
Missionary No More -Zane Part 2
The Sweetest Taboo- Risque'
Black Widow- Nikki Turner
The Essential Batender Guide- Robert Hess
Addicted-Zane
The Sex Chronicles-Zane
The Heat Seekers-Zane
Dear G Spot-Zane
Chocolate Flava -Zane
Shame on it all-Zane
The Sister of APF-Zane
Skyscraper- Zane
Gettin' Buck Wild - Zane
Honey Flava- Zane
Blogging for Dummies- Susannah Gardner



Don't Forget To Share The Author's Name!!

Be My Erotic Valentine

Host: Fit and Fragrant
Location: Fort Washington, Md. 20744
(240)694-8929


Adult Novelties & Things that "BuzZzZz" {Lickoris}
Club Lace Lingerie
Erotic Art
Authentic Designer Colognes & PerfumesCandlesFragrant Body Oils
Bath & Body Products
JewelryGift Baskets, & so much more





For All Attendees Feel Free to Comment On This Event.

JOURNAL OF PAST EVENTS

Be My Erotic Valentine January 31, 2009
Host: Fit and Fragrant
Location: Fort Washington, Md. 20744
(240)694-8929

Vendors
Adult Novelties & Things that "BuzZzZz" {Lickoris} & All Occasion Giftbaskets
Annie' Art Gallery
Antionette's Fashion & Consulting
Authentic Designer Colognes & PerfumesCandlesFragrant Body Oils
Beringer Media
Club Lace Lingerie
Creole Candles, LLC
Dee Poetic Mistress (Entertainer & Performer)
Erotic Art
Jewelry By Park Lane
Make - Up & Things by Lynn





Romance Advance & Relationship Expo 2009 - Feb 13th, 14th, & 15th This Romance Advance & Relationship Expo is designed to be enlightening, empowering and invigorating for couples and singles across the country. Every year psychologists, ministers, vendors, DJs, bands and other artists and leaders converge to create a phenomenon of fun and fulfillment.
Host:Romance Advance

Vendors
Fascination Fitness
Illusions & Lace
Kreative Kutches



Lets Talk About Sex & Shoes Event
Date:March 21st 2009
Host:Naughtyillusions
Location:Galveston Residence
(202) 562-2421

Vendors
Illusions & Lace
Lickoris
The Shu Lady

What kind of sex does Obama have?

What kind of sex does Obama have?
So I got to thinking the other night, Barack Obama is our new President. Wow, that's really exciting information. Forget that he's the first black President, forget that he's the first Democratic candidate to win North Carolina, forget that he fist bumps his wife when he does well. The man just became the President of the United States of America. And that's just pretty f-ing awesome.
Do you think he and the Mrs. had some wild and crazy Presidential sex on Tuesday night? Or Wednesday morning? I mean, I remember how it feels to have a birthday - a day when it's all about me and I should get what I want, and I have some awesome sex that day. I know how exciting it is to find a great pair of Manolo's on sale for 60% off. But becoming President is so much more exciting then either of those things. So I wonder, what is Obama's favorite sexual position?
It's probably not missionary. I mean, the man is pretty hip. He's got two kids. He understands what's going on now and what needs to happen in the future for us to be a better nation, so he's probably not into the conservative, old-school position. Maybe he likes it Doggy style. That's a powerful position to have. Can't you just picture...wait. Maybe we shouldn't.
You know, I bet they like the Reverse Cowgirl. Michelle seems like a tough lady. I bet she knows what she wants. And as most fetishes go, since Barack has such a strong, public profile, I bet they like a little role reversal too. I wonder if his safe word is 'pineapple?'
Surely, this is all conjured up. I have no evidence supporting any of this. I just have an active imagination... Filed under: sex, sex in the news, sexual acts, Politics

The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.
By Nicole Yorio
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings: 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair. The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated. Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it'll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work."Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague. Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter — it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night. Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try, "I think we've started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.

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Five Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day

Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But I have a ridiculously happy relationship with my significant other. Really, it's almost disgusting.
We paw each other in public. We goof around like a pair of simpletons. We basically act like giddy newlyweds. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like sitting on the couch and drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of each other's feet, that we're forced to make gagging noises to maintain our dignity.
See, I told you it was disgusting.

It hasn't always been this way. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit that our current bliss is the result of almost a year of counseling, a desperate effort undertaken several years ago, when we appeared destined for doom. What we learned then is something all happy couples eventually discover: A good relationship is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen. Daily habits are extremely helpful in forging solid bonds, says couples therapist Tina Tessina, author of "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free." "If you're really interested in making your relationship work, little rituals are a great way to do it."
We asked happy couples across the United States to tell us about relationship-strengthening solutions they've developed. Try your hand at incorporating a few into your daily life and maybe you can be as ridiculously, embarrassingly, revoltingly happy in relationship as I am.Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other






Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other
Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo."
"It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo."
"The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo."
Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year relationship.
"It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way.
"Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Most couples realize that getting intimate every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' physical intimacy habits found that only about a third of adults have physical intimacy more than once a week.
That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sensually every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together.
"It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have physical intimacy. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is get intimate. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sensually to each other."
"Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're appealing. He gets to feel like he can have sensual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have physical intimacy all the time to appear attractive.
Let's put it this way: The way I see it, physical intimacy is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great."
"Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake, that cake tastes really good.
"Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Bob and Angie are ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with "Survivor." They've adopted "Big Brother." "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" They do.
"Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers. And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax."
Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?
"Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals?
Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your relationship than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
These days, Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share.
"It all brings a freshness to our relationship because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says.
Daily Habit #5: Share a Spiritual Moment
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other and discuss their relationship together.
Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you. But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.
"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."
"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."
"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."
Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.
"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.
"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out.


"Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Sex Toys and Emotionally Safer Sex

An often overlooked aspect to safer sex is the idea of sex being emotionally safe. By this I mean that you should never have sex unless you’re willing. If your partner is interested in using sex toys and you don’t feel comfortable or safe, let them know. There may be ways for you to get comfortable with the idea of using sex toys (the best one is to try it out on your own first) but the bottom line is that you shouldn’t use sex toys because your partner insists or because you think they are required for a stellar sex life. Sex toys can be great, but they are by no means necessary for everyone.

Talking with Kids About Sex

Many parents would rather not talk with their kids about sex. Of course many parents would rather not talk with anyone about sex. And while you can choose to avoid sexual communication in your adult life with romantic partners (but I wouldn’t recommend it) if you choose to never talk with your kids about sex you do so not only at your own peril, but theirs as well. There are lots of good reasons to talk with your kids about sex. Here are a few of my favorites.
Talking with your kids about sex can help keep them safer.There is a lot of research that has shown that when parents talk with their kids about sex, their children are:
more likely to use contraception
more likely to delay intercourse
less likely to have a teenage pregnancy
To be clear, it’s not just any kind of sex talk that helps, and some of the survey research offers conflicting reports on the impact of talking with your kids about sex, which may reflect the fact that it is possible to talk with your kids about sex in ways that are not helpful. So while it’s a good idea to talk with your kids about sex, it’s equally important to know what makes for good sex education and what the best way is to do it.
Kids listen to their parents when they talk about sex. It might surprise some people who think of teens as extremely disaffected and contradictory to find out that both adolescents and teens, when asked, say they listen to what their parents have to say about sex:
One study in 1995 found that adolescents rated parents higher in credibility than school and friends when it comes to getting sex information (although they rated them low in “accessibility”).
A more recent 2006 survey by the Canadian Association for Adolescent Health found that sixty three percent of teens considered their parents a major source of information, and forty three percent thought parents were the most useful and valuable source of information.
It may be true that when they reach a certain age your kids are less likely to listen to what you have to say about many things. Interestingly, sexuality doesn’t seem to be on that list.
You’ll learn things from talking with your kids about sex.Having to talk with your kids about sex means having to re-think many aspects of sexuality you may now take for granted. Even answering a simple question like “why would anyone want to have sex?” (not an uncommon question among kids of a certain age) requires us to think carefully about what sex means for us. In another example, with an older child, you might have to do some research just to keep up with sexual options on line, and this means learning for yourself as well as your child.
The fact is that when it comes to sex we’re all life long students. Our sexuality never stops changing as we age and this means that as long as we don’t turn away from it, there is always something new to learn. Talking with your kids about sex is another way to keep your mind open to the meaning of sex in your own life.
Talking about sex with your kids can further develop your relationship.Any relationship that’s based on communication is going to have its challenges, and often its in overcoming those challenges that the relationship grows. Your relationship with your kids is no different, particularly as they get older and become more independent adults. Talking with your kids about sex won’t always be easy, but it’s well worth the effort, and the payoff can be more than a healthy child, it can be a healthier relationship over

Male Sexuality

If all you knew about male sexuality was what you learned from male sex toys, you’d think men were a sorry bunch. There have been penis rings, pumps, and sleeves for as long as sex toys have been around, but somehow making male sex toys to celebrate sexual pleasure (as opposed to fix a problem or correct a deficit) is just beginning to catch on among forward-thinking sex toy manufacturers.
Male sex toys are not designed for a specific kind of man. A vibrator packaged for a gay customer will feel just as good to a straight one, and vice-versa. A better way to understand the selection of male sex toys is to think about the function of the toy, not who it’s marketed to. If you’re trying to find your way around the world of male sex toys, the breakdown below may help.

Penis Rings
Penis rings are more commonly thought of as devices that assist in maintaining an erection than as sex toys. It’s true that the right kind of penis ring can help you prolong an erection. But penis rings can offer a world of pleasurable sensations, too. By changing the way your erection feels, a penis ring not only changes how sex play feels, but it heightens your awareness of your body when you are turned on. Some people also use penis rings as body adornment.

Vibrators
For Men Any vibrator designed for external stimulation can be used by a man, and many men love the strong, consistent buzz a vibrator can provide. Vibrators designed specifically for men usually attach to the penis by a ring or straps (essentially a vibrating penis ring). These can be fun and are conveniently hands-free. Men will enjoy these most if the vibrator is face down, stimulating the scrotum; they can also be worn with the vibrator on top to provide stimulation for a partner during penetration. The drawback to vibrating rings is that they usually lack the power men need. Hand-held electric or rechargeable vibrators are more likely to deliver the strong vibrations that will get a man over the top.
Learn more about vibrating rings


Penis Pumps
Putting aside the false claims about permanently increasing penis size, penis pumps are enjoyed as a sex toy by men, mostly for masturbation. When a penis is in a pump and the pump is activated, the sensation is one of pressure and suction; the tightness around the opening of the pump is pleasurable for some men. Penis pumps are definitely an acquired taste, but with models available for as little as $20 and options that come with vibration, they can be another fun toy to try. Just remember that they don’t permanently enlarge anything other than the wallets of penis pump manufacturers.


Sleeves and “Masturbators”Another type of male sex toy is sometimes called a penis sleeve or a “masturbator.” Calling it a masturbator is a bit of a misnomer, as many couples include these toys in their partner play. There are thousands of variations on the penis sleeve, but most share a common design. They are tubular in shape with an opening for the penis. There may be bumps or grooves inside the sleeve, as well as features such as vibration, suction, or even motors that move up and down. Some sleeves are open-ended (which, incidentally, makes them much easier to clean.) Some are much shorter than the penis, while others are longer. A major difference between sleeves is the material they're made of. Material differs in durability, density, and overall feel. There is no “best” material, but one that allows you to feel pressure applied from the outside of the sleeve is recommended.
The FleshlightThe Fleshlight falls into the previous category of penis sleeves, but it is such a unique product that it deserves a category of its own. (Plus, they’ve come up with so many variations that it’s more than a single product.) The Fleshlight is the most durable and softest male sex toy on the market. Made of unique material that’s yet to be duplicated, The Fleshlight creates an enveloping feeling, and the models with ridges and bumps can provide intense stimulation at the same time. The Fleshlight isn’t just available in a faux female genitals look, which is appreciated. It has non-descript openings, as well as a vulva, mouth, anus, and bum. This pick is much more expensive than any other male sex toy, but it's well worth the cost for the male sex toy aficionado.





Anal Toys
While it must be said that anal play is not necessary for a happy and hot sex life, the fact remains that for men, as for women, the anus is a site of tremendous pleasure potential due to it’s sensitivity to pressure and concentration of nerve endings. For any man who wants to explore anal play, there are a host of great toys designed to be safe. There are three types of anal toys which are each used for a different kind of anal play: butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos. Additionally, a few companies have begun making toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation. The first on the market, and still the best known, is the Aneros line of male prostate massagers.

In The Spotlight Sex Tips

A Broader Way to Think About Sex Anna Freud famously wrote that "sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." If you're trying to make your life easier you may want to simply how you think about sex. But no one said a good life, or a good sex life, was going to be easy, and while it may seem counter-intuitive, the more you complicate your definition of sex, the clearer living a sexual life can become.

Education For the First Time User

Few if any vibrators come with instruction manuals. On the one hand, you might think that no manual is necessary -- after all shouldn’t you know how to use a vibrator? But if you’ve never used one, how exactly are you supposed to know how? Most people do manage to stumble their way to pleasure with a vibrator, but if you’re looking for a few helpful hints here is a beginner’s guide for women on how to use a vibrator.

Difficulty: N/A
Time Required: For Your First Time, a Half Hour or More


Here's How:
Get to know your vibrator.Take your vibrator out of the package and get to know how it works and what kind of batteries it takes. Play with the buttons and switches and find out how many speeds and settings it has. Wash your vibrator well before using it. If it isn’t waterproof, be careful not to get any water near the battery case. Check for sharp edges or seams (these can be easily filed down and made safe). Make sure the body of the vibrator isn’t coming apart from the battery pack and that all wires are solid and secure. If there are any flaws, return your vibrator before you use it.
Start on your own.Even if you’re planning on using your vibrator with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it our by yourself first. You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy. If you’ve got roommates, children, thin walls, or nosy neighbors, you can always turn on some music and make use of blankets and comforters to mute the sound (you may also want to think about getting a quieter vibrator).
Play with the lights on.Not everyone will be comfortable with this one, and vision may not be a sense you rely on, but playing with a vibrator with the lights on can be very educational and useful. You can discover specific places on your body that are rich with nerve endings and ripe for stimulation. This is the kind of information you can use on yourself in the future and share with a lover. You can achieve the same effect with touch, knowing exactly where the vibrator is, but seeing what’s going on can be a benefit for some.
Turn it off before you turn it on.Get comfortable with the feel of the vibrator on your body. Run the vibe along your body without even turning it on. Notice how it feels. Press it firmly against your skin and massage your muscles with it. If the vibrator is a hard material this will probably feel nice. If the vibrator is a soft rubber and doesn’t feel smooth against your skin, try the above with your clothes on. This isn’t meant to give you an orgasm, but it’s a gentle way of introducing your body to the vibrator.
Move your vibrator from the outside in.Once you turn it on, start by touching the vibrator to your feet and your hands. Run it up and down your arms and legs, across your belly, your shoulders and neck, your scalp and face. Again, you can start with some clothes on if you like. Even though vibrators are used mostly around the vulva and clitoris, don’t just jump to the main event. Get a feel for the vibration all over your body and then slowly move to the more sensitive parts. You can slowly move the vibrator up your inner thigh, or in circles around your breasts and nipples.
Don’t rush: Explore every inch.The great thing about vibrators is that they never get tired, and they let you explore every inch of your body for sexual pleasure. Most women use vibrators for clitoral stimulation and many women report that one side -- or even one portion -- of their clitoris responds to vibration more than another. Think of yourself as an explorer, and the vibrator is both your compass and your flashlight (in fact some vibrators come with flashlights). Don’t rush, leaving a vibrator in place can allow it to establish sensation connections that previously weren’t there.
Play with the speed of the vibrator.Most vibrators have multiple speed settings (or at least two settings). Always start on a low setting and work your way up. If a vibrator feels too strong at first you can put a towel between you and the vibrator, or just press it lightly against your body. You may find that on some areas a lower speed is all you need, and on others stronger is better. Some vibrators have “pulsation” settings, but you can also play with turning the strength up and down in rapid succession.
Play with pressure.Experiment with applying different pressure. You may enjoy a lot of deep pressure with clitoral stimulation or you may want to hold a vibrator just slightly above the body. You can press your vibrator deep into your skin and massage the muscles while also feeling the stimulation of the motor. With most battery-powered vibrators, the more pressure you apply the lower the vibration feels. Also the stronger you hold your vibrator, the more vibration gets absorbed by your hand. Experiment with everything from a feather light touch to a self-love smack down, and find what works for you.
On point or flat out.Most vibrators will have a point or an edge. Try touching yourself with the finest point of the vibrator. Next put the widest or flattest part of your vibrator against your body. When you focus on one point, the vibrations can feel more intense than when the vibration is being dispersed around a wider area. You may find that the feel of the vibrator on your labia, or above your clitoris feels awesome. Because the clitoris extends inside the body, deep vibration in this area can feel great, and different than direct clitoral stimulation.
Using a vibrator for penetration.Most women use vibrators for external stimulation, but as long as your vibrator is safe for penetration there’s no reason not to try it. A vibrator that is safe for penetration will be smooth, have no rough edges, and won’t absorb bodily fluids. In almost all cases. it’s recommended to put a condom over a vibrator if you’re using it for penetration. You should also use water based lubricant when using a vibrator for penetration. You can put some lube on the shaft of the vibrator and with your fingers put some lube on your vulva and just inside your vagina.
Exploring penetration with a vibrator.Start slow with penetration and get yourself aroused by using the vibrator externally first. While far more nerve endings are outside the vagina than inside, lots of women enjoy penetration with a vibrator. Some women will use a vibrator to find and stimulate the g-spot It has also been hypothesized that nerve endings in the cervix respond to stimulation and pressure. Pressing the vibrator against the top of your vagina (such as pressing it towards your belly) may provide g spot stimulation or even indirect clitoral stimulation.
Using your vibrator with a partner.You can use your vibrator with your partner in any number of ways. You can control the vibe, using it on yourself to add stimulation during sex play with a partner. You can use the vibrator on your partner (or vice versa). You can also find a vibrator that fits well between you and your partner that neither of you need to control, but can add stimulation during sex. However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before making it a threesome.

Sex Toys Tips

Tips:

G spot vibratorsSome vibrators have a curved tip and are sold as g spot vibrators. These toys can make it easier to reach the g spot but they are no guarantee that you’ll enjoy g spot stimulation. Also, any firm vibrator can be used to stimulate the g spot.
Safety tip: vaginal or anal penetration.If you want to insert a vibrator anally, only use vibrators designed for anal penetration. The toy should be smooth and seamless, and should have a flared base to prevent it from slipping all the way in. Read more about anal sex toy safety.
Vibrator strength trick.If you’re using a vibrator on a partner and you want to vary the strength of the vibration you can do this by grabbing the vibrator tighter and getting a larger grasp on it. When you do this your hand absorbs more of the vibration and to the person on the other end it feels like the vibration is getting a bit lower. Loosen your grip and the strength will come back.
Take your batteries out.Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time your finished using it. If you leave the batteries in, the vibrator may turn on to a very low speed (or you may leave it on low without knowing it) and this can both burn out the motor and make for some embarrassing moments when everyone at dinner is wondering where that buzzing is coming from. Also, if you leave your vibrator alone for extended periods with the batteries in, they can corrode and leak into the battery case, destroying your vibrator.

In The SpotLight Section

In this section Birthdays, Important Gossip, VIP'S will be announced and recognized.


"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
To Our Illusions & Lace Host and My cousin
Kwionna

HOT STEER

I know all you lusties love your toys so this week I thought I would find some tips on how to make your little treasures last.
First of all, Water-Based Lubricants work best with most toys. Oil and Silicone Lubes are mainly there for men taking care of themselves. Oil can get trapped inside the woman’s vagina and cause infection. Never use Vaseline or petroleum jelly on a toy it will break down the material of your toy.
Condoms can be used over any toy. This helps keep the fluids away from your toy. It also helps ensure safety if you are going to share your toys. (Just don’t forget to change the condom!!)
* After use, spray a toy cleaner such as Safe Suds on the toy or wash/wipe down your vibrator with warm, soapy water, rinse, and air dry. Be careful not to get the mechanical parts wet, or your vibe will become a paperweight.
* Remember that Water safe does not mean Waterproof. To be on the safe side anything without batteries is always safe for the tub!
* Take batteries out of your Vibe after you are done using it. This will prolong the life of your toy and your batteries.
* Keep the cord on a plug-in vibe from bending where it attaches to the wand - that’s the Achilles heel of the toy, and the reason most Magic Wands eventually die.
* Keep the toys away from your pets and children! Often overlooked, but what an embarrassing situation that could be…. (Use your imagination!) To keep your toys put away where pets or children can’t come across them, pick up a Toy Box or for a less obvious place, transform an old box in to a new sexy toy home and store it under the bed, or in a closet.
* Silicone Toys need to be stored in a plastic bag. Cyberskin™ is best air-dried. If that isn’t possible just get it as dry as you can with a cloth, and then dust the toy with cornstarch so it will maintain it’s smooth surface.
Go ape to improve your sex life. Gorillas may have tiny penises (less than 3cm long) but they make up for it with hours of arousing mutual grooming. Doing this releases pleasure-inducing brain chemicals and makes great foreplay. Have your man wash your hair or ask him to rub your body lotion in. Or offer to scrub his back while he’s in the bath. Who said sex had to be dirty?
If you wake in the middle of the night aching for sex, act on this impulse before your mind kicks in and you start ticking off the hours till the alarm sets off. A bit of nighttime pinch and tickle is one of the most liberating sexual experiences a couple can share. The sex invariably starts out slow and mellow but it doesn’t take long for a certain wildness to creep in – before you know it, you’ll be grunting and bucking like a couple of wild beast.

Sex Toy Buzz

How much do you know about sex toys?

Sex toys seem to be everywhere these days (you know they’re mainstream when Martha Stewart is talking about her favorite vibrators). And while it’s easier than ever to buy a sex toy, finding straightforward honest information about sex toys can still be tricky.

Risqué Riddles

Little Johnny is at it again!
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right
back." "That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word
bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your
brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling ,may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner." The teacher fainted.

12 Secrets to Better Orgasms

12 Secrets to Better Orgasms
1. Hit the hot spots.A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt. You may even want to try using a vibrator during intercourse,
2.Talk the talk.“ Men really want direction,” Berman says. Let your partner know when he’s on the right track, either by telling him what feels great or by moaning.
3.Learn on your own.You can’t talk the talk if you don’t know what turns you on. “To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate,”
4.Exercise your orgasm muscles.“Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.
5.. Get risky.Research shows that engaging in thrill-seeking behaviors together (whether it’s rock climbing or just going to see a scary movie) stimulates dopamine in the brain, which gets your juices flowing.
6.Delay the pleasure.“The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion,” Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
7..Focus on breathing.Tantric sex may sound new-agey, but its central tenet—focused breathing—may boost your pleasure. “You can use your breath to channel your sexual energy,” Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure.
8.Explore erotica.Porn isn’t all about big penises and deep throats. Erotic movies and books can be tasteful and arousing, and the more aroused you are, the better your orgasm chances. The sex scenes are steamy, and there’s a plot.
9.Try creative foreplay.If it takes you longer than your partner to warm up, get a head start by e-mailing or text messaging each other sexy messages (but don’t get too graphic—e-mail is not necessarily private).
10. Check your meds. Women are more likely than men to take anti-depressants, which are known to hurt a person’s sex life. If you’re having trouble, talk to your doctor about your meds.
11. Get help early.If you’re not orgasmic, advice from a pro may be helpful. Nerve damage or low testosterone could be the problem . “Your doctor can do a medical evaluation,” or look at relationship factors. To find a sex therapist, check with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists at aasect.org.
12. Relax.In a recent French study of 500-plus women, more than 70 percent said work stress compromised their sex drive. A low libido, obviously, lowers chances of orgasm. So ditch life’s distractions at your bedroom door.

Risqué Riddles

SEXY LETTER SHUFFLE

E S P S P O

_ _ E_ _ h _ _

Risqué Riddles

Simon Says
Start with FOREPLAY and follow the directions carefully to discover a phrase.

Print the word FOREPLAY

Replace ORE with EXY
Change L to S
Drop the first consonant
Delete AY
Put ESS at the end
Move EXY to the end
Add an O between the 1st and 2nd consonant
Move the first 5 letters to the end

Risqué Riddles

This section is NEW. Get your laugh on, play games and riddles. Enjoy!


PLEASURE PUZZLE
TO SOLVE THIS PLEASURE PUZZLE FIGURE OUT THE MATHEMATICAL EQUATION BELOW:

4X5+5X4DIVIDE 10-8=______________

THIS IS THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF MINUTES IT TAKES A MAN TO REACH AN ORGASM ONCE HE HAS PENETRATED HIS PARTNER.


EXTRA TIDBIT: THE AVERAGE DURATION OF AN ORGASM FOR MEN IS 3-5 SECONDS.

Naughtyillusions Buzz

Naughty Illusions NewsletterNaughty Illusions NewsletterNaughty Illusions NewsletterNaughty Illusions Newsletter



A newsletter that keeps you in the know about events, products, parties and just general hip Info, you need to stay in the know. If you are interested in purchasing something that's not featured on the site yet or just want to submit a short sensual story or want to put news tidbits in the next article about a new product you've tried, to be featured email me: yosweetness@hotmail.com

Sex Toy Tips

Sex Toy Tips


Sex toys offer everything from a little extra buzz in the bedroom to some much appreciated extra help finding the right sexual spot. Take a guided tour of the wonderful world of sex toys and erotic devices; from feathers to vibrators from lubricants to leather harnesses.Sex Toy Tips
Sex toys offer everything from a little extra buzz in the bedroom to some much appreciated extra help finding the right sexual spot. Take a guided tour of the wonderful world of sex toys and erotic devices; from feathers to vibrators from lubricants to leather harnesses at http://www.naughtyillusions.com/

*Can't find it on the site call me @ 202 562-2421 leave your name, number and message and I will get right back with you.

Giving Love To:

Shout Out

to

Monica Key

C.E.O Gift of Graphics LLC

Thank you for your expertise in designing my logo and especially for your fast response.

Who Are We? We Are Here!!

Who are we? We understand that when you go to your local neighborhood stores, you may not necessarily know exactly what you are looking for, and that’s where we can help! By presenting interesting articles, and photos written and developed by the foremost sexperts and fashion designers in the industry, we are hopeful that you will learn the distinctly different categories of products, lingerie clothing lines and their uses, and the great features available. Follow this Blog.... Illusions & Lace

The 2009 Illusions Logo

Presenting the 2009 Naughtyillusions

"Let's Talk About Sex & Shoes"

Illusions & Lace & The Shu Lady

~PRESENTS~

A

Sexy, Sensual, Sassy

TOY & Lingerie & SHOE Show

Featuring:Toy Presentation

Lingerie Fashion Show

A Fabulous Shoe Presentation

March 21st 2009

Time: 4-8pm

Location: TBD

Ticket Price: $5

First Drink Free!!!

$3 Drinks All Evening

$20 Unlimited Drinks *Red Wrist Band Only*

Contact Numbers for more details:

Yolanda (202) 870-6301

Kwionna (202) 491-3799

10 Sexual Fantasies for Women

10 Sexual Fantasies for Women who needs to check out Lickoris
Need a little help getting your fantasy life going? Here are 10 hot and steamy stories to get you started. And remember, fantasy comes from relaxing and letting your mind wander!

Sexual Submission Women often imagine themselves being ravaged and taken control of — it doesn't mean you want it in your real sex life, but it's fun to entertain the idea. Fantasize about someone powerful having his way with you sexually. Maybe there are blindfolds or restraints. Maybe you're taken by surprise!

Voyeuristic Sex You're being watched while you're having sex, maybe being forced to have sex in front of other people. You might also be the one spying on someone else having sex. Anyone, a stranger or someone you know, can be the subject of this fantasy. You would be ashamed — maybe ruined — if anyone ever found out. But that's exactly what makes it so good!

Knight in Shining Armor This is the romantic's fantasy. Your perfect man courts you, seduces you, and makes you feel everything you've ever desired. He treats you in all of the ways your partner does not. He pampers you, understands you, and totally worships you. He also makes all of your sexual fantasies come true, without your even asking.

Being a "Bad" Girl Women who follow all the rules in daily life may dream of letting the bad girl out to play. Maybe you strip for a roomful of men or seduce a man you've just met for casual sex. You're aggressive, and you go after who and what you want with no apologies!

Taking Control Many women dream of taking charge in their favorite sexual fantasies. You could be a dominatrix leading a man back to your hideout and planning to make him your sex slave. You'll tie him up until he promises to be submissive, and then you'll tell him when, where, and how to touch you.

Sex With an Ex Do you, like many other women, have an ex who rocked your world sexually or who loved you and left you (giving him a permanent place in the land of unresolved relationships)? Imagine running into him unexpectedly and beginning a passionate affair — because the sex is still that good.

Girl-on-Girl It's you and the woman of your dreams. Whether Angelina Jolie is your idea of a hot babe or you'd rather make someone up, fantasizing about lesbian sex is especially appealing for women who've never actually experienced it. Imagine what her female body feels like (so different from your partner's) and how you'll stimulate each other.

Group Sex Everything from an orgy to a threesome falls into this category. Maybe you're watching a group of other people have sex. What about having a threesome with two guys? Two girls? A guy and a girl? You kiss one person but your hands are on another. Anything goes!

Sex on the Beach You're on vacation, so everything is tropical and lazy. You've met someone intoxicating and you're having sex on the hot sand, the water about to crash onto you. Sex has never been so good! You're in paradise, but you know it has to end.

Kinky Sex Dreaming of something even more outrageous? This is the fantasy about your deepest desires — the ones you would probably never share with anyone — but that arouse you and provoke you. Maybe they are desires that go against all of your morals, or are even societal taboos. Use your imagination. No one has to know.

Lace Lingerie

Unleash Your Political Wild Side...

While our politicians are busy trying to screw each other (in a bad way) we know a lot of our customers are either feeling a financial pinch, or expecting one around the corner (again, that's the bad kind of pinching). So we decided to turn all that screwing and pinching on its head and let you get more pleasure and more savings all at once.

Here's how it works:

Between now and April 1st we're offering 12% off all our best-selling toys, books and dvds. Plus, when you buy any one of these bestsellers, you'll receive a $5 off coupon that you can use online anytime before June 1st, 2009.

Just because of the economy "SHIPPING IS FREE FOR PURCHASES OVER $40.00."

Party For A Living

PARTY FOR A LIVING! OWN YOUR BUSINESS TODAY!

You can get started now! Exploring a new way of life. It's a new spin on reality, one with learning and earning while you build financial security.

Sign Up Is Easy!

Order your Start-Up Kit...

Let Me Be Your Local Distribution

Call For Details (202) 562-2421

All The Single Ladies

The Ultimate Singles Party!

Date: Friday, March 6, 2009 Cost: $10 Admission $5.00 Drinks all night 9:00pm-10:00 Single Ladies Only- Male Revue 10:00pm-11:00pm- Date & Dash – Speed dating 11:00pm-1:00am- Party Time!!

Adult Noveltys and Toys will be sold!

Unlock An Erotic Adventure

Coming Soon!

Illusions & Lace Annual Adult Yard Sale

All items (Short and Sassy ....Sweet and Sexy...)

are on sale for incredibly low prices. *Lace

10% off of all irregular items that is still wrapped with damaged boxes or torn wrappers *Lickoris

Make reasonable offers on an an item and you won't be refuse.

Come early to get the best selections!! Specialty Items will also be available. Some Items will be marked low as $5. This is a CASH, CREDIT CARD, and Carry Event. We are looking forward to seeing you at this event. Thanks for all your support!

About Sherrie

I am the owner and President of Club Lace Lingerie, a web based lingerie company, specializing in fine, elegant trousseaus.Over my professional career, I have been active in several businesses, including running my own successful wedding consulting firm. I started a full service Wedding and Event Planning company over ten tears ago, in Temple Hills, Md and have gained notoriety in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area, for my expertise and talent in event planning. My wedding company, Special Touch, was featured in the nationally acclaimed, best selling book, Jumping the Broom, The African American Wedding Planner by Harriett Cole.I have always had a vision of working in the fashion industry and my dreams came to fruition in 2003 when I started my own lingerie company, Club Lace Lingerie. Incorporating my own unique style and a flair for the dramatic, Club Lace Lingerie has been featured in many Washington, DC Metropolitan area fashion shows and will continue to prosper and expand and hold a prominent place in the fashion arena.Always willing to assist others in their quest for business ownership, I have shared my knowledge and expertise and helped several young entrepreneurs get their start in the business of fashion.

EVENT PURPOSES

EVENT PURPOSES A major mission for this company is to give portions of proceedings to organizations that exists to help the poor and homeless of our nation's capital. So that they can provide health care, food , clothing, affordable housing, job training, addiction treatment and counseling, to the poor , the elderly and individuals with mental illness that fought for our country. And don't forget our youth that needs guidance, leadership and support to keep them alive and out of jails. An additional reason for these events is to create an avenue for upcoming photographers, designers , stylists, models, and etc. to display their talents and get the exposure while participating in our events or fundraisers. Whether it's on a runway or a simple bake sale, each individual would get the opportunity to show their potential while participating in our promotional event. if you are interested in growing with this team and getting the exposure , skills and new experiences please feel free to email me back so that we can get together for a meeting of the minds so in which everyone in attendance will get the opportunity to meet one another and get to share their ideas

Can’t Orgasm- Psychological Obstacles to Orgasm

It's been said that in our culture there exists an "orgasmic imperative"; an ideal which dictates how many, how strong, and how often we should all be orgasming. In a rougher part of town I might call this orgasmic imperative b#llsh*t but here let me put forth a modest proposal. Orgasms, while lots of fun, are not required for great sex. And when you keep your focus obsessively trained on one aspect of your sexual activity it's easy to miss any number of exciting, hot, and revealing things passing by your peripheral experience. Still, for people who aren't orgasming, or think they can't, there is often (if not always) a path to more intense sexual response, including orgasm. And if that's you, hopefully you'll find some of the following helpful.


If you can’t orgasm and you’ve either ruled out or have addressed any physical problems preventing orgasm, it’s good to think about how your mind may be getting in the way of your orgasms. By “mind,” I’m including all the ways you think and feel as well as any mental health issues you may be living with (either diagnosed or not).
Even though in some circumstances you can have a physical orgasm without any mental desire or sexual interest, most of the time you need to be at least somewhat mentally “there” to have, experience, and enjoy an orgasm. Anything that gets in the way of you being there can get in the way of you having an orgasm. Here are some common psychological barriers to having an orgasm.
Body Image and Self-Esteem It’s not true that you have to love yourself or your body to have orgasms or enjoy sex but it probably helps. And certainly for some people, negative feelings and thoughts about their bodies or their own self-worth get in the way when they’re trying to relax enough to orgasm. Ironically, having orgasms, particularly on your own terms, can be a powerful learning experience that you are worthy of pleasure and that learning can extend out to other parts of your life.
Sex Negative Feelings and Beliefs Messages that you get growing up, from friends, family, religious figures, and the media can influence your individual experience of sexual pleasure and even orgasm. If you believe that sexual pleasure for its own sake is wrong, or that only bad people are interested in sex, it can be hard to enjoy the pleasure as its happening (although, like most psychological effects, this isn’t true for everyone). Others may take pleasure from feeling guilty or bad. But if your beliefs or feelings conflict with your desire to have sex, and if that conflict causes you distress, then you may not be able to enjoy the sex even if you let yourself have it. Challenging negative thoughts and feelings isn’t easy and won’t be fixed overnight. But it is possible with the right support and accurate information.
Orgasm and Mental Health A variety of diagnosable mental health issues are known to get in the way of sexual satisfaction and orgasm. Two well-documented mental health illnesses that impact sexuality and orgasm are depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Other mental health issues including anxiety can get in the way of orgasms. If you think this may be a reason why you aren’t orgasming, seek the support of a mental health professional who can help you figure out what’s getting in the way, and how it might be treated.
Stress It's common for people who aren’t orgasming to complain that their mind "wanders" during sex. Before they know it, they’re thinking about the dozen things they have to do the next day and not about the very enjoyable task at hand. One reason for this lack of focus is too much stress. Stress can prevent orgasms in many ways. If you’re stressed, you may not feel like having sex in the first place. Or you may be okay at the beginning part of sex, but when it comes to orgasm, you aren't "feeling it" enough to have one. Ironically, orgasms can be a great stress reducer. But you need to reduce your stress enough to have them first.
Performance Anxiety/Great Expectations Much has been written about men's experience of performance anxiety. If he’s so worried about being a stud and blowing your mind, he can psyche himself (and his erection) completely out. But women also experience anxiety about their ability to be good sexual partners and that anxiety can prevent them from having an orgasm as well. Basically anything that takes your mind off the task at hand and off what you’re feeling in your body has the potential to get in the way of you having an orgasm. Communicating with a partner is hugely important in reducing these expectations and anxieties.
Being “In a Rut” It’s also possible that nothing is getting in the way of your orgasms other than you being out of orgasm practice. It’s easy for us to get into sexual ruts. So, if you haven’t had orgasms for some time, you can get used to not having them and not expecting them. If the reasons you weren't having orgasms are then removed, you may still not have orgasms simply because you don’t expect to have them and you experience a kind of reverse performance anxiety. You don’t try to relax or concentrate, or you don’t try to connect with yourself or your partner, because you’re convinced it’s not going to happen anyway. One way to tackle this is to make some changes in the way you have sex, when you have it, and where you have it. If the only problem is that you’re in a bad habit of not having orgasms, shaking things up a bit can sometimes help.